Throughout the previous weeks, I had managed to follow and complete everything as required with absolutely no trouble whatsoever. Last week however, I slipped! I still completed all my reads and sits but when it came to the task on my Service card I struggled.
I must expand on that a little. When I wrote the task down, I really did not consider the amount of time it would actually take and the amount of time I was actually going to have available to me. Anyway, during the week I started to work on the task at hand and soon realised the magnitude of it, though I still thought that I would have enough time to get it completed over the weekend. Then, over the weekend I actually had to go out on both days in a work related capacity and for quite a few hours on both occasions. The upshot of all this was that I did not manage to get my task completed.
My reaction to this was not to reason that I had actually moved through the task significantly and was much further forward than I previously was, but to get down on myself and beat myself up which of course made me feel even worse. Now, this was my past behaviour. Previously, I have always done this when I have not managed to achieve something for whatever the reason.
This time though, I only had a small period of gloom. Then, I shook myself down, reasoned that actually I was a lot closer to the completed task than had I not been doing this process and that on occasion unforeseen stuff actually does crop up. I completed the task fully during the early part of the week and now I feel really good about it as it was a huge job now completed.
The lesson learned from this for me is that I should not beat myself up, particularly when it it not deserved. OK, fair enough if I had not tried, but I tried my best! Actually I should be (and am) proud of my achievements over recent weeks. Obviously, it’s a work still in progress but I am seeing noticeable positive changes in myself and for me to see that so soon is absolutely fantastic!
I can feel you are observing yourself and for me that is a great thing.
Thanks Steve
Awareness is the first step Rob. Keep it up.
Thank you Norina. We’re all doing great!
Red pencil syndrome. It’s kinder to live with a green pencil than the red pencil. I finished a roof repair and while someone praised me for getting the job done, I had to push the goal post back on myself and say let’s wait to make sure that it does not leak before celebrating. Be kind to yourself. Truth and Grace. It sounds like you became very aware of that already! Grateful to be on this journey with you Rob.
Thanks Rip, this is one hell of a ride :-)
A valuable lesson learned in the area of over-commitment I’d say, Rob. I totally agree. In the olden days, “beating yourself up” may have seemed the right thing to do. Fashionable even, such that it could easily become part of the blueprint we are currently attempting to change for the better. Love it, or leave it. “The law of growth” tells us what happens to those things both welcome and unwelcome things that we focus our attention upon. Thanks for your honest display of insight that many will find personal value for themselves in reading what you have just said about yourself. Thanks for staying on top of your blogging week after week as you have! Great post! :-)
Thank you for your kind words Loren. This whole process is truly life changing.